Afterschool of late

The Howling Fantods

David Foster Wallace hung himself on Friday.

Is it weird to feel so effected by the suicide of a stranger? This is a man I never saw, never knew, never spoke to. Yet he spoke to me. Infinite Jest alone is 1100 pages. Add to that all the essays, the short stories, his other novel.... I'm more familiar with some of his opinions than I am with those of my own friends.

After I found out (Saturday, from a former coworker), I called Pete and tried to be as gentle as possible in breaking the news. He introduced me to Wallace, and loves him so much more ardently than I do. This morning, Pete emailed me McSweeney's tribute, which is primarily composed of testimonials. It's comforting to go through the words, to mourn with strangers who felt the same way, many of them, again, about a stranger. Reading David Foster Wallace helped me understand what was going on when I felt depressed, misunderstood, mute, and thus brought me closer to trying to overcome it. It's hard realizing that what he did for me and for countless others, he couldn't do for himself. Somehow, that doesn't make his words weaker, but stronger. I believe in them. I've seen them work. Words can never be enough, but they're powerful, and they can help.

"Fiction is one of the few experiences where loneliness can be both confronted and relieved. Drugs, movies where stuff blows up, loud parties -- all these chase away loneliness by making me forget my name's Dave and I live in a one-by-one box of bone no other party can penetrate or know. Fiction, poetry, music, really deep serious sex, and, in various ways, religion -- these are the places (for me) where loneliness is countenanced, stared down, transfigured, treated."
David Foster Wallace, 1962-2008

Shine a Light

This is the first time I've had more than an hour on a computer since I moved here, so even though it's late, I can't seem to pry myself away! Outside, six boys are sprawled across air mattresses and old youth group couches, exhausted from their trip so far. And I'm here in the dark church office, trying my best to be productive: replying to emails, updating this blog, etc. I'll add a few photos from my week.

Emily tutoring at a student's house. Tutoring and meetings are how we fill most mornings.

Chinese soup for lunch. For three dollars you get this humongous jug of broth with meat, rice noodle, and Chinese vegetable. Here, Emily picked fish ball for her meat, and chicken for mine. ...An ENTIRE chicken, except, thank goodness, head and feet. They hack it up and boil it in front of you before dropping it into the soup. See all the chicken on the lid? What looks like dark meat is all, like, bones and little ventricle things - veins and guts. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been long enough since vegetarianism for me to tackle this whole soup. Thankfully, the purple box back there has Chinese cake from yesterday, which is a little more my style.

One Saturday a month, church hosts a free "pancake feast" from 9-11 am. That means we volunteers begin working the gridle as early as 7 o'clock! This week, breakfast cleanup was followed by an emergency SAY Yes meeting at noon and a farewell BBQ for the pastor's family at 4.

SAY Yes has started!

Emily tutoring at a student's house.

In the past 24 hours, I’ve talked to Mom, Luke, and Pete, and texted with Sara. It’s weird to realize life is changing for everybody else, too. I knew it would continue, but I guess I assumed it’d be constant, and when I return in a year or however long, I would pick up where I left off July 1st, 2008. Mom has a new job, Luke has multiple new love interests, Sara’s breaking up with her first boyfriend, and Pete is moving out of his parents’ basement!

I was lying in bed this morning, thinking I should get up and take a shower soon, when I heard the front door bang open. “Emily?” Pastor Tony bellowed into the apartment. “Emmy, are you here?” She wasn’t, but of course I was, messy-haired and make-up-less, lounging under blankets and pajamas at nine in the morning. Ha. Roy and Kim, a couple from church, were with Tony, touring the apartment for necessary repairs before the appraiser comes again. Hopefully I’ll know about that (unlike this!) beforehand, so I can at least get out of my pjs!

Em got us Chinese soup for lunch. For three dollars you get this humongous jug of broth with meat, rice noodle, and Chinese vegetable. Emily picked fish ball for her meat, and chicken for mine. ...An ENTIRE chicken, except, thank goodness, head and feet.. They hack it up and boil it in front of you before dropping it into the soup. See all the chicken on the lid? What looks like dark meat is all, like, bones and little ventricle things - veins and guts. Gag. I mean, it tastes good, but I'm pretty sure it hasn't been long enough since vegetarianism for me to tackle this whole soup. Oh, and the purple box has Chinese cake from Sunday, which is a little more my style.

I missed staff meeting this morning. I keep forgetting. That it’s Tuesdays at 9:30am. That I’m STAFF. I’ll try again next week.

Cecilia called me into her office right after lunch. I haven’t gotten over the feeling that, anytime an adult asks to see me in his or her office, I’m in trouble. Of course she just wanted to discuss Chinese Sunday School, which I’m now in charge of (!). We exchanged numbers and shallow suggestions. As usual, I felt awkward: too tall, close, uncomfortable. I guess it will take a while for me to get used to this lifestyle.

Girls on the Brooklyn Bridge for Emily's birthday

I'm employed!

I now tutor this cute boy two days a week.